The Girl Who Disappeared
by The Water Drinker
Summary: A man with murder in his eyes, and a girl with nothing left to lose.
1. The Disappearance

The sound of sirens blaring and red and blue lights flashing permeated the small neighborhood of Kaidan with its intimidating presence; along with screeching tires and slamming doors. They came to a stop once they reached their destination and all the uniformed men had exited their vehicles. The muffled, robotic voice of a man played over a loud speaker before scratching out of existence.

The town's citizens knew to be wary whenever they heard those sounds. It wasn't often the police were involved in a town so usually quiet. It'd been many years since anything remotely noteworthy had even appeared on the news.

Yellow tape was in the process of being rolled out, sanctioning an area in front of a large, aging building. It itself was ominous and eerie. Its residents even more so. If a passerby was close enough to see, a sign out front next to two large, steel gates read, 'Kaidan Psychiatric Hospital.'

A sharply dressed woman walked with purpose up to the policemen who were rolling out the tape. They were almost finished blocking off the last remains of a most mysterious scene. The last known place one of the residents of Kaidan Psychiatric Hospital was last seen.

There wasn't much left behind. Some footprints, a single shoe, and a lone journal left open and discarded in the grass. Another one of the policemen carefully placed a yellow marker next to each piece of evidence.

A policeman intercepted the sharply dressed woman before she got too close. Wouldn't want to risk tampering with the evidence.

"You must be Ms. Kobayashi. The one who made the call," he stated, rather than asked. "Please don't get too close."

The woman's stiletto heels clicked to a stop at the edge of the winding sidewalk that lead up to the entranceway of the building just before stepping onto the grass. The area the police were sectioning off was a little ways into the yard.

She was a little perturbed by the abrupt halt in her destination, but recollected herself with a clear of her throat. She swept away a rogue strand of hair away from her face before nodding curtly and responding, "Yes, you are correct. I was concerned when I didn't see her in her room." She looked around the man in front of her to take a glance of the crime scene.

"Do people usually go missing from this place?" The man asked when he noticed the sharply dressed woman wasn't paying much attention to him. His question drew her eyes back to him. She narrowed them before addressing him, feeling offended.

"No. We take good care of our patients here."

The man in front of her seemed to ignore her in favor of quickly leading into his next routine line of questioning.

"You said the girl was showing signs of restlessness. Has she run away before?"

Kobayashi was quick to shake her head as she placed her free hands on her hips. "No, never."

"Any history of running away in the past?"

"Not that I know of."

The man took out a small notebook from a pocket and scribbled down some notes. "Do you have any idea where she might have gone?"

Kobayashi placed a hand over her forehead, trying to think. "Uh, no. I can't think of any place she'd even know to go."

"Any relatives?"

She hesitated with this question. Felt a weight in her chest, but she was a professional. She shook her head. "No. Not since the accident."

"No uncles or aunts? Grandparents? Friends maybe?"

She shook her head more slowly, sadly this time. "She doesn't really have anyone else. We're her family now."

He scribbled down some more notes.

"Has she experienced any psychotic breaks since she's been here? Any delusions?"

She shook her head. "No, she's very well mannered. She hasn't mentioned experiencing anything major. Very down to earth."

"Has anyone ever visited her?"

A brief memory flashed before her of a shadowy figure with glowing red eyes. She snapped out of it soon after.

"No. No visitors."

"Has she had any altercations with any of the other patients?"

She felt a little exasperated with that question. "No. She's been here for years. She likes to keep to herself. All our other residents like her. There have been no complaints."

He jotted down some more notes. She idly wondered what he was writing.

"Can you think of any other reason she might have disappeared?"

She paused for a moment, thinking, but nothing else really came to mind. The hospital took its security very seriously. Notorious for its strict rules. There were high stone walls around the entire facility for this very reason. Kaidan Psychiatric Hospital was a bit more unusual than most mental institutions. It housed some of the most dangerous and high-profile individuals ever diagnosed as clinically insane. Most of its residents never came back out once they were admitted. Considered too dangerous to themselves and to others. Some were even murderers.

"No. If anything, her mood had been improving just before she disappeared."

The policeman nodded and flipped his book shut. He handed her a small card with some contact information on it.

"If you can think of anything else or if something comes up, you call me," he said to her.

She nodded and took the card, stashing it away in her breast pocket for safekeeping.

The policeman turned around and walked back over to his squad car. He picked up a receiver to speak into it. She watched him briefly before looking at the scene of the disappearance. The rest of the policeman were searching the grass and nearby shrubbery for anymore clues. They didn't seem to be finding anything else. She watched a policewoman carefully lift the shoe with a gloved hand to place it within a container.

Her attention was drawn to another policeman picking up the journal that was left discarded. He handled it much more haphazardly than the other officer, grabbing it by its coiled spine and even tearing a page. She felt a measure of irritation at seeing it.

Making sure not to step into the grass, she walked along the sidewalk until she could get closer to the officer mishandling one of her patient's belongings. Once she was close enough, she crossed her arms and cleared her throat. The policeman paused in his actions and glanced up at her from where he was kneeling.

"Excuse me," she started, reaching out a hand in the officer's direction once she had his attention. "Please return that to me."

He looked askance at her and looked around. He looked young. The way he looked unsure reminded her of a scolded child.

"I can't do that," he finally said. "It could be important evidence."

She set upon him a fierce gaze she usually reserved for her most unruly of patients.

"I asked her to write that journal. The relationship between the patient and psychiatrist is strictly confidential. If there is anything of importance in there that is pertinent to the case, I will return it immediately. In the meantime, I would prefer it to be in my care."

The rookie police officer still looked unsure, but he handed her the journal nonetheless. She snatched it from his hands and narrowed her eyes at him before turning around and stalking back towards the entrance to the facility leaving the policemen to continue their investigation in peace.

She walked the halls of the hospital greeting late night attendants as she passed. Once she reached her destination, she stopped, standing in front of a door with the words, 'Dr. Kobayashi, Psychiatrist,' written across the glass. She reached for the handle and pushed her way inside. She closed the door behind her and sat herself at her desk, placing the journal down carefully next to a slew of papers and patient files.

A deep sigh escaped her, and her shoulders drooped from their tense position. She rubbed at her temples just above her eyes to ease the ache she had begun to feel there. Tonight had been a little more than stressful. A patient vanishing into thin air was not a common occurrence at Kaidan Psychiatric Hospital. Almost unheard of.

But, the way patients usually ended up within its walls was often just as mysterious and foreboding as a patient suddenly disappearing without a trace. A lot of the people who were admitted here were once normal, law-abiding citizens. Then suddenly, they snapped.

Dr. Kobayashi picked up one of the many patient files on her desk. The file of a man that used to be completely normal. Had a typical office job. A wife, two kids. His normal looking face stared back at her from the picture that was paperclipped to the folder. Further down the page is where his secrets hid. He was one of the many people that had suddenly rioted in the streets more than seven years ago. It had been the day when there had been several reports of strange, large flying bugs crawling into people's ears. When many of those people had started chasing down a middle school girl. What was her name? Keiko?

Nevertheless, the man had ended up attacking his wife with a pair of scissors. His children had escaped to the neighbor's house. His wife had survived, but with horrible disfiguration and severe nerve damage. Dr. Kobayashi wasn't sure which drove him to madness more when he came to. The fact that he had nearly killed his wife, or the fact that his family never wanted to see him again. Their sessions together seemed to be doing little to help him cope with his grief. A tricky case. She placed the file back onto the stack.

She looked thoughtfully down at all the files. After a moment of consideration, she pushed them aside to reveal a particular vanilla folder. The tab in the upper right-hand corner read, "Igarashi Rin."

The file was very clinical and mostly bare. The picture of a girl stared back at her with a solemn, tired expression. Her eyes looked as worn and wrought with grief as a war veteran. A piercing gaze that looked right through you.

Rin was a very quiet girl. As Dr. Kobayashi had told the police, she had kept to herself. Their sessions together were mostly one-sided. At the young age of only nineteen, she was one of their youngest residents. She had been admitted when she was only thirteen years old.

The file listed all the psychiatrists Rin had been assigned to at Kaidan Psychiatric during her six years at the facility. Her first couple of years had been especially hard for her. She had never even spoken. The notes from the previous psychiatrists included descriptors such as, 'deeply disturbed', 'self-loathing', 'potentially suicidal.'

She had been passed around quite a bit. None of her previous therapists were ever able to get her to utter a word. But everyone wanted to try. When Dr. Kobayashi had gotten her file and had been assigned to the girl, she herself had been thrilled. Everyone knew of Igarashi Rin.

Dr. Kobayashi was a new psychiatrist at Kaidan Psychiatric. She had thought it would be a great way to jumpstart her career after just recently graduating with her degrees in psychology and human behavior. A perfect way to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

At her young age, Igarashi Rin was the most prolific resident of Kaidan Psychiatric, and not many people sympathized with her story.

Dr. Kobayashi herself hadn't felt that sorry for a girl who had murdered her entire family in cold blood.

Further down the page, some copies of the court case files with notes on the proceedings were paperclipped. During the trial, the girl had screamed at the top of her lungs that she didn't do it. That she had not committed the crimes against her mother, father, and younger brother. She had been a mess of tears and agony. Being only thirteen years old and in hysterics, the court had ruled her unfit to properly account for her side of the events that had transpired that day. They sent her to a mental institution for rehabilitation.

Everyone who was anyone wanted to figure out why a thirteen-year-old girl would do something so horrendous then claim she didn't do it. That something had taken control of her and forced her to do all those terrible things. Put her under a microscope and study her. Her story had shocked the town of Kaidan. The country even.

Once she was put away here at Kaidan Psychiatric, however, the girl stopped speaking. She never spoke again about the incident or what she meant by something taking control of her. And no amount of therapy seemed to be getting the young girl talking.

Dr. Kobayashi had been assigned to Rin for only eight months now. In that short time though, she found herself growing a little fond of her. Maybe it was because she was just so young. Every time she came into Dr. Kobayashi's office, she always looked so brittle… so frail. Scared and lonely. It was hard not to at least pity her.

Dr. Kobayashi flipped a page to look at her own notes on the girl. Notes from their weekly sessions. She was very diligent with writing everything down.

_Day 1_

_Patient is agitated and anxious. Keeps fidgeting. Unable to hold and maintain eye contact. Easily distracted. Paranoid._

_I asked her many questions. What her name was, how old she was. If she was adjusting well to Kaidan Psychiatric hospital. If she got along with the other patients. Patient did not speak. Seemed oblivious of my presence. _

Yes, the first day did not go so well. She supposed it was because Rin had gotten used to seeing many different psychiatrists. Maybe had just gotten used to all those generic questions that she just tuned them out.

_Day 27_

_Patient looks very thin. It does not appear she is eating very well. Loss of appetite and fatigue. Asked patient if there was anything she would like to talk about. Patient spoke. She said no. Minimal progress, but progress._

_Day 64_

_The patient is starting to communicate better. She uses hand signals and is starting to make more eye contact. She is still nervous, but is doing better. She's even starting to get up and move around more comfortably than she used to. Patient paces a lot. _

_Asked patient if she liked to play any games. The patient said yes. We played some board games for the remainder of the session. Patient seems to like word games the most. _

_Day 111_

_I asked Rin how she was doing today. She said she was cold. I found her some blankets and she thanked me for them. She looks a little more worn out today. I asked her if anything was wrong. She said she was just tired._

_I decided to be a little more direct today. I asked her about the incident six years ago. If she wanted to talk about it. She grew very quiet. Seemed to withdraw. I let her know she was safe here, that if she wanted to talk about it, it would be okay, but if she didn't, that would be okay too. She told me she didn't really remember what happened. It seemed she was deflecting. I decided it wasn't a good idea to press her any more than that._

_I decided it might be best if she wrote out her thoughts on paper instead of speaking them out loud. I gave her one of my journals. I told her it might help to write out her thoughts on paper. It might be easier to accept that way. I told her she could start by writing out letters to her family. Or to write out the events of her day. _

_She seemed hesitant at first, but she did take the journal. Overall a success._

_Day 126_

_Rin was energetic today. She seemed to be in a good mood. She told me she had been writing down the events of her day. She told me she liked being able to write down notes. It reminded her of school._

_We talked more about how she was coping. She seemed a little more forthcoming. The journal was a good idea._

_Day 135_

_Rin was a little more reserved today. When I asked her how she was feeling, her attention seemed to be elsewhere. I asked her if something was wrong. She told me she saw a man today. _

'_One of the other residents?' I asked of her. She said no. I felt a little alarmed, but I assumed it must have been one of the attendants or doctors._

'_What did he look like?' I asked her. She looked up to me._

'_He had glowing, red eyes."_

_She didn't talk much after that. She didn't seem to want to elaborate._

_Day 233_

_Rin was smiling today. I was taken by surprise by it. I asked her how she was feeling. She said she was feeling good. I asked her how her day had been, and she told me it had been peaceful. I told her I was happy for her and her smile grew wider._

_I asked her if she had plans today. She nodded. When I asked her what she planned to do, she just kept smiling._

Dr. Kobayashi closed the folder. That had been the last day she had seen Rin. It had seemed as though their sessions had been improving her mood.

She couldn't help but feel worried.

_Had_ Rin run away? It seemed unlikely. Someone would have seen her. There were cameras all over the grounds. But if she hadn't run away, what else could have happened to her? The other patients had claimed they hadn't seen her when she had questioned them, and none of them seemed particularly violent towards Rin. There would be no way they would have been able to harm her without one of the staff members seeing anyhow.

Dr. Kobayashi looked over to the journal she had placed on her desk. A seemingly innocent item that Rin had left behind. After a moment of consideration, she reached out to pick it up.

Placing it neatly in front of her, she flipped over the cover page. Inside the notebook on the first page, there was a neatly folded up piece of paper. On it's surface it read, '_To Dr. Kobayashi.'_

Her brow furrowed as she read the piece of paper. She picked it up carefully to unfold it. She placed it on the desk and used her hand to smooth out the wrinkles.

'_Dear Dr. Kobayashi,_

_I hope you're reading this. If you are, please don't be worried about me. I'm okay. I know you probably won't accept that. For that I am sorry._

_I just wanted you to know that you're probably the most important person to me now. I'm sorry I just left this way. I'm going to miss you. I hope you are doing well, and that you become the great therapist you wanted to be._

_Take care,_

_Rin'_

Dr. Kobayashi felt more confused than she had previously. There was a significant crease along her forehead.

This left many more questions than answers. And now she felt far more perturbed and curious than she had before.

She looked down at the journal's front page.

_May 3__rd_, read the first line.

_What happened to you, Rin? _


	2. The Accident

Dr. Kobayashi took the journal home with her.

She didn't mention the crumpled up note to the police, and was gone before anyone had even noticed.

In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best course of action. The way the message read made it seem as if Rin had indeed just run away.

But something about that just didn't feel quite right to her. The journal was the only thing that might shed some light on Rin's sudden disappearance and provide clarity to an otherwise strange situation. There had to be something written in there. Perhaps dark secrets.

But most importantly, she didn't want the police to stop looking for Rin. She still didn't feel convinced that Rin would simply run away.

She couldn't shake the feeling that Rin could still be in danger.

So, she took the journal with her. She wanted to find out for herself the whole story before leaving it in the hands of strangers to judge who the girl was.

Besides, Rin had left her a message. If she did run away, she must have left the journal on purpose with the intention of Dr. Kobayashi finding it. Perhaps with the expectation she would read it.

Dr. Kobayashi placed the journal on her coffee table as she went to prepare some tea. It was late now, already past 10:00, but she felt far too restless to even consider going to bed at a reasonable hour. There was still too much to do. Too much on her mind.

Dr. Kobayashi walked back into her living room to set a mug of hot tea down gingerly on the glass. Happy with her handiwork, she settled down into a comfortable position on her couch. She reached out and picked up the journal soon after.

The journal's cover looked modern and unassuming with its pale blue design and minimal logo text. She flipped past the cover and folded it neatly behind the pages. The note that had been written to her fell onto her lap. She picked it up and placed it on the coffee table with care. Attention back on the journal, she started on the first entry.

'**_May 3__rd_**_, _

_I received a journal today. My therapist thought it would be good to write my thoughts down._

_I don't know what to write though. Nothing happens at the loony bin. _

_Shoma keeps staring at me. I hate the sharing sessions. I hate sitting around in a circle and listening to each other's bullshit. Like, we get it, we deserve to be here. This is pointless. It's not like we're ever going to leave. It's not like we're ever going to be normal again. _

_It's the same thing every day. We each get our cup of pills, we talk to our therapists, we share the same stories every day, then we go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. It's not doing anyone any good. Sometimes I think they just made this place to hold the prisoners too crazy to even be sentenced to a life in a normal prison. _

_It's so depressing here. Just to be constantly reminded of why I'm here._

_It's enough to make you think you really are insane.'_

'**_May 4__th_**_,_

_I woke up feeling cold again. I hate that feeling. I just know there's something watching me. I feel eyes on me all the time. Even when there's no one in the room._

_No one would believe me. They would just think I'm crazy. _

_I see them sometimes. The things watching me. Translucent silhouettes hiding behind the curtains or behind the doors. Just watching. I can hear them giggle as they realize I know they're there. I think they're taunting me._

_Sometimes they look really normal. There was one that looked like a little boy with huge eyes. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me, standing at the foot of my bed. I had wanted to scream, but I didn't. I don't know how I fell back to sleep, but when I woke up, he wasn't there anymore._

_There are others. Some aren't so benign. I saw one of them pick up one of Dr. Nakamora's vases from his office and smash it on the ground. It shattered into so many pieces. Dr. Nakamora couldn't see it. He was furious. He blamed it on another one of the loonies. They were sent to one of the confinement rooms. I didn't tell Dr. Nakamora that it was laughing at him._

_I never used to see them. The ghosts. It happened after… the accident. That's what everyone else calls it, anyway. "__**The accident**__." I feel things that I've never felt before. _

_I hate it. _

_When it first happened, I was so scared I cried all day. They gave me more pills and left me in one of the confinement rooms. The ghost just followed me. I banged on the door for them to let me out, but they ignored me. I've learned how to live with them. _

_They don't usually hurt people if you leave them alone._

_I haven't told anyone about them. I don't want to be locked up again. I hate the pills.'_

'**_May 19__th_**_,_

_I'd say my favorite part of the day is seeing Dr. Kobayashi. It feels good to just talk about things. I like to be away from everything for a little while. Even if we don't talk some days, it feels nice to just be away from the other loonies. _

_I really like the journal. It's been a while since I've been at school. It feels almost normal. I never thought I'd miss doing homework._

_Dr. Kobayashi said I should try writing about the accident. But I'm not sure if I can do it._

_I don't want to disappoint her though. So, I guess I could write about what it was like before they locked me away._

_I used to have a little brother. He was so tiny. I always picked on him for it. He always hated it when I did that. I would tell him he was going to be a midget for the rest of his life. In response, he would always tell me I would be a bitch for the rest of my life. I would always say, "well duh." He was two years younger than me. We bickered a lot, but we looked out for each other._

_We always walked to school together. I made sure he got to his classes on time. He would always try to sneak away to goof off with his friends. I had to be the big older sister that kept him straight._

_I helped him out a lot with his homework. I've always been kind of good at languages. I miss being able to take tests and quizzes._

_My mother was super nice. Probably too nice. She was the one who said moving into the creepy house would be a good, fresh start for us. Our old house had caught on fire by some troublemakers, so we had to move. _

_The house we moved into had a weird history. A man had murdered his wife and kids in that house. My dad didn't have enough money to find anything else on such short notice. My mother had just tried to make the best of the situation, I guess. There had been reports of strange things happening to others who tried to live in the house. But it was cheap, so there we were._

_I remember giving my brother a look when we first got to see the new house. I could tell he had the same thoughts as me._

_Besides all that, we were a happy family. _

_I had a lot of friends. I used to play volleyball and run track. I was good at it too. I was one of the fastest. The only one who ever beat me in a race was Yuri, but Yuri couldn't run for as long as I could._

_I had a crush on a boy in my class. His name was Jiro. _Everyone _had a crush on Jiro. He was super tall and really smart. My friends would tease me about him. Always told me they were going to go tell him I had a major crush on him. There was one time one of my friends had even written a fake note and nearly left it on his desk for him to find. I was so embarrassed._

_I don't even know what they're doing now. I miss them. I miss everyone. They probably hate me.'_

'**_May 24__th__,_**

_I hate the other loonies. They're mad. They're always screaming and always throwing things around. I try to stay away from them. _

_There's one, his name is Hiroto, who always seems so calm. Then out of the blue he's screaming. He's an older man. I think he screams about his sister. He flies into a rage when no one is even talking to him. The doctors always have to sedate him with needles. From what I've overheard from the doctors, he used to be in a war. They say they think he has PTSD from the night he snuck into the enemy's territory. They say he saw something there. Something he wasn't supposed to see. _

_I can kind of feel it. There's a darkness that lurks within him. Like a curse. _

_The doctors can't see it, but his soul is stained with something evil. Something that binds him and won't let him go._

_I hate being near him. The air around him feels heavy._

_The only one of the loonies I don't mind being near is Shiro, because Shiro doesn't talk to anyone. He only talks to the ghost that's always with him. They go everywhere together. _

_The ghost is a very pretty girl. She has a pretty laugh too. Shiro is always looking at her so lovingly. It's really sweet actually._

_All the nurses that try to talk to him always say things like, "she's not there Shiro, she's been gone for five years. I'm sorry. You can't keep living like this."_

_Shiro doesn't seem to notice the nurses at all. The only thing I notice him do is fidget with the ring on his finger. I think he does that when he's feeling anxious._

_They don't see what we see._

_Then I guess there's me. There are times when I wish I could not be around me too. I wish I could leave myself behind and finally get away from this place. Leave this piece of me that's dying and hopeless to stay with the loonies._

_But I can't. It's part of me now, and I can no more separate myself from it than I could my skin. My soul is tainted just like Hiroto's. Even if I'm no longer under the influence of something else, I might as well be. It's still left its mark. The damage has been done and I can't erase it or make it go away._

_It's like I don't belong here anymore. In this town, with people. I've never felt so alone. So detached. So lost. I feel like I've been dropped in a bucket of ice, but that feeling won't go away. I'm always in the bucket. I'm always surrounded by ice._

_It's a nightmare I'm never going to wake up from._

_I used to wonder what it would be like to just end it. Just passing thoughts. It's not like anyone would miss me._

_But I'm too scared._

_I hate myself.'_

'**_May 28__th_**_,_

_I feel a little better today. I think it's because there aren't as many ghosts around. It's kind of a relief._

_I think I feel things more when I'm really depressed or angry. Any time I'm feeling really strong emotions is when I can sense more things around me. _

_I wish this calmness would stay. Days like this I almost feel normal again. At least I can think more clearly._

_I'd like to get better. To have this moment of tranquility more often. Even if they never let me out of this place, maybe I'd at least be more at peace. It'd just be nice not to see the ghosts all the time._

_I've been trying harder to do what Dr. Kobayashi asks me to do. I've been trying to talk more and participate in the group sharing sessions. It's made me feel a little better. I'm not really sure what else I can do. I've been trying not to think about things so much. To just keep my mind blank. I'd like to try more things._

_I guess the only thing I haven't tried yet is writing about the accident._

_…but that thought scares me._

_Maybe... maybe it's been long enough. If Dr. Kobayashi thinks it'll help, I could give it a try. Maybe it __**would**__ help. Who knows. It's worth a try._

_Here goes nothing..._

_I remember everything leading up to what everyone says happened really well. I remember watching a scary movie with my brother and being too scared to go to sleep that day. My mom had to sit next to me while I tried to fall asleep. I remember being half-asleep when I saw her shut the light off and walk out of my room._

_I had felt really anxious that day. I don't know why I had let my brother convince me to watch a horror movie. It had only made me feel worse. I'm not sure why I had felt so bad. I think I might have been feeling something in the house that night. Kind of like how I can feel stuff now, just not nearly as strong. I hadn't known what it was then. It was just an itch in the back of my mind. The kind of chill that gives you goosebumps and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Like that paranoid feeling you get when you know someone is watching you._

_I don't remember falling asleep. The only thing I remember is suddenly standing in the living room. There was something in my hand and I was clutching it so tightly I could feel my fingers aching from the strain. I remember looking down at it, not being able to tell what it was. The light from the moon that hit it from the window made it glint. It was so dark, it looked as though it had been dipped it something black._

_I hadn't even known what it was. I was so disoriented from being asleep in my bed to just standing alone in the living room I didn't know what to make of anything. It was only after I managed to let it go, when it hit the ground with a clank, that I thought it might be a knife._

_I remember calling out for my mom. The lone sound of my shaky voice echoed off the walls. I had walked slowly around the house, reaching out with my hands to try to feel for something. Anything. When no one had responded to my call, my heart had started to beat so hard I could feel my chest rattle. I had wanted to call out again, but at that point I was too scared to. I was breathing so hard it was the only sound I could hear._

_I had fumbled around in the dark for what felt like hours, but couldn't have been longer than a few minutes. With slow steps I had moved forward until my bare foot stepped in something wet and sticky. I felt my heart sink and start to beat faster. I remember stumbling backward. I moved away from whatever it was that was on the floor until my shaky hands found a wall. I was so desperate to get out of the dark that I was frantically reaching around until I finally found a light switch._

_But once I finally had found the switch, I had been hesitant to turn it on. There was a deep, sinking feeling in my stomach. I had just known something bad was going to happen. Or that something bad had already happened. _

_Flashes of screaming and fear had went through my mind. The terrified and confused faces of my parents and my brother. Just flashes. Something had happened, but I couldn't remember it._

_When I finally did turn the light on, my worst fears were realized. I saw the grotesque and gruesome remains of my family. _

_I can't even begin to describe the horror that that was. To see the frozen look of death on your mother's face. Mouth agape. Your father and brother laying in a puddle of their own blood._

_I had screamed. _

_I had screamed so loud and for so long my throat felt awful. Like I had swallowed sand paper._

_I guess our neighbors had heard me._

_It wasn't long after that I found myself at a precinct. _

_At first everyone had thought someone had broken into the house and murdered my family and left me alive. I remember sitting at the police station, listening to police officers and doctors talking about me. Saying I was in shock._

_They were arguing with each other over where I should go, talking about calling child services. At that point, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything. I had just sat on that cold bench in the police station's lobby, mindlessly staring at the chipped and fading tiles on the floor._

_It was just a few days later they sent me to a juvenile detention center. They said something about how I was to stay there until the court hearing._

_I hadn't understood what that meant at the time. It wasn't until they brought me into a court room and sat me in a chair with lawyers and prosecutors staring me down with suspicion and disgust in their eyes that I finally realized they suspected me in the death of my mother, father, and younger brother. I was alone… and scared._

_I was charged guilty for the murder of my mother, Etsuko, my father, Ryoichi, and my little brother, Ryo. _

_That's when I snapped. I told them the truth. I told them I didn't remember anything, that I'd never hurt my family. I loved them. I did._

_Something wicked had happened to me. Something I had no control over. _

_My eyes were swollen, and my voice was hoarse. My face felt sore and hot._

_But nobody seemed to care. Not one person in that room._

_They just thought I was crazy. I could see it in their eyes._

_Then off I went to the loony bin. _

_I had nightmares of that day for years. I still do, but the first couple of years were the worst. _

_I had dreams of the faces of my family. Nightmares of a wicked smile. In all of my dreams, it was like watching myself from the outside looking in. I could see myself stabbing with a crazy look on my face. Specs of blood staining my pajamas. I had many such dreams from different times, but the thing that never changed was the creepy grin. It looked inhuman on my face._

_I remember looking at a news article on the man that had murdered his family in that house just a few days after we had moved in. I had gotten it from the library. The man had been sentenced to death. There had been a picture of him in the article. I remember showing my brother. The man had a wide, crooked grin._

_Now that grin haunts me, as I imagine it will for the rest of my life.'_


End file.
